I am seven years old and I am sharp! “Sharp” is a word I’ve just learned in this context and never before used to describe myself. A couple hours ago, before the wedding, my mother pinned a flower on my jacket. Then licking her fingers and flattening down my eyebrows she said, “Young man you are dapper dandy.” I understand why she said it. After all, she’d never seen me in a tuxedo before—what my new uncle Ted calls a “Penguin Suit”. She was surprised and quite impressed with my appearance so she called me dapper dandy. It means that I am very handsome and indeed I am—particularly today as I am wearing white dress shoes… Unscuffed!
Though I appreciate my mother’s comment, my enthusiasm is tempered by the fact that she also made a terrible fuss over how beautiful my sister Sally looks in her flower girl dress. Please don’t misunderstand me. I too am impressed with the dress. It’s pretty big—much like Cinderella’s gown at the ball, and the outfit includes a stylish little crown with a table doily. It is an impressive ensemble though I must say I think Sally herself looks much like she always does. But hey… if Mom thinks that she is beautiful… well… fine.
I am not beautiful though and I’m not dapper dandy either. I am sharp. I know this because before the wedding my new uncle Ted (whose outfit is just like mine only much bigger) looked at me and said, “Whoa Bobby.” He grabbed me by the shoulders and squared me off for a good look. “I gotta say it. You my man are sharp.”
What was I suppose to say? “Oh no, I’m not sharp. I’m dapper dandy” No… I’m happy to be sharp and proud to be a ring bearer.
I remember well when our Aunt Audrey and her boyfriend Ted asked Sally and me if we would be in their wedding party. By the way, don’t be fooled by the term wedding party. It might sound fun but that’s just so the two people getting married can get someone to come. It’s no party at all. For one thing it doesn’t just take a night. It takes practically a whole weekend. When you join a wedding party you are committing yourself to an evening without friends, sitting in a church and rehearsing for the actual party that happens the next day. And even that one is more like going to church than a party. The whole deal is pretty serious—not a lot of fun. Anyway, Audrey and Ted came to dinner and afterwards they hung out with our family in the front room.
Audrey is our favorite aunt. She is quite beautiful. She has eyeglasses with real gems glued in the corners. I really like her boy friend Ted a lot too. He has curly hair and is what is called a giant. I knew he’d make a great uncle.
Audrey asked if Sally would be her flower girl and then went on to explain what the job entailed. Sally went crazy with excitement, probably because all she had to do is walk in with a bunch of flowers, stand there for three or four hours and then walk back out again. As long as she didn’t have to pee or pass out she could hardly fail.
Ted waited for an answer.
“Yes,” I said finally. “I will do it. I will bear the ring.”
Now I’m standing next to Sally on the steps of the church following the wedding. She is still holding her flowers. She did fine considering the little that was required. I on the other hand performed excellently. Before we walked out the door a lady said to me, “You did a great job young man.” Then reaching for a basket on the back pew she said, “Oh wait… I have something just for you.“ I was excited as I’d not been expecting payment for my services. The lady turned toward me and emptied a napkin full of rice into my hands. I have no idea why.
Sally looks a bit miffed.
We walk out the door. Our dad is standing on the sidewalk with his camera. “Wait you two. Hold it right there,” he shouts. So we do and a bunch of other people start snapping pictures too. I’m feeling a bit awkward, trying hard not to spill any rice. It’s okay though. I can handle it because I am sharp.
Postcript:
Fourteen years later I stood at the front of another church and, as always, I was sharp—this time in a brown tuxedo with a yellow ruffled shirt. One could hardly look sharper in 1974. I stood beside the love of my life—a beautiful girl, only eighteen years old. She wore a wedding dress. A pastor asked me a series of questions each one requiring a response. At the end I answered, “Yes. I will.” What I meant was, “Yes. I will bear the ring.”
It was a far riskier pledge this time around. This ring I would bear whether sick or healthy, rich or poor, whether things were good or bad. I know some who are unable to make such a commitment— afraid to even try. I think that’s very sad. I know others who tried—some for a long while and then gave up. That’s even sadder. I don’t judge them though. It is serious business bearing this ring.
I have born it now for thirty-five years and will until the day I die. Years ago I worried that it would slip off my finger. There is no chance of that now. Whenever I remove it (which is not often) I’m surprised to see how it has left a permanent mark in my skin—how my finger has changed shape to hold it safely. And here is the mysterious thing. Every year the ring takes on more weight and every year it is lighter and more joyous to bear.
About Bob Stromberg: From his home in St Paul, Minnesota Bob is sought after from corporations, nonprofits and media industry professionals from all over the world. He entertains and inspires with his unique and perfect blend of story, standup and shtick. Bob is also the co-author and original stars of the megahit theatrical comedy, Triple Espresso, which has been seen by almost two million people from San Diego to the West End of London. The Chicago Sun Times called Bob“…a mesmerizing physical comedian.” The London Times called him “…a genuinely funny man.” Bob Stromberg is also the author of the blog “Life on the Carousel.“ For more information call 615 283 0039 or email.
