I’ve always had great respect for the intellect of Stephen Hawking, the brilliant theoretical physicist, who overcame neuro-muscular dystrophy to fashion a career as a celebrity scientist. So I wasn’t surprised at all when the esteemed Mr. Hawking told the online British rag, The Mail, that to build a time machine, “All you need is a wormhole, the Large Hadron Collider, or a rocket that goes really, really fast.”

Hawking is a self-described dreamer. He’s been wheelchair-bound for his entire life and can only communicate through a computer. His theory of time travel draws heavily upon another genius’ work, that of Albert Einstein and The Theory of Relativity. The only thing missing is Marty McFly’s hypothesis regarding flux capacitators.

Stephen, I love you, but please come back to earth. We need you here.

Smarts don’t necessarily make someone successful or a decent human being. People with less-than-superior intelligence can be some of the most productive and good people in the world. There are morons at Harvard, and there are brainiacs at Southwest Texas State University.

I used to say that I would NEVER vote for a politician dumber than I am.

Oops.

I’ve backed people (both parties) who held the highest office in the land, but who scored lower on the SAT than I did. That alarms me, but it should alarm you even more: I’m saying that I did better on my college boards than a couple of presidents. I’m a puppet act who doesn’t curse on stage and enjoys doing children’s shows. No wonder the country is so messed up!

And this brings me to Bill Maher, the controversial, anti-religion TV host and stand-up comic. Billy has niched himself as someone who is “not afraid to say the things nobody else will say,” and proudly considers himself a defender of free speech. The needle in every left-wing-addict’s arm. I have always kind-of enjoyed him because he can be funny and he’s pretty smart.

His latest “this-will-get-me-some-press!” quote from this past weekend goes like this:

“Not every Republican is racist, but every racist is Republican.”

It’s a nice turn of a phrase, and I know Mr. M. is very proud of himself for coming up with the line and getting all the attention that people (like me) are giving him.

A couple of notes: first, this is what Bill does. He throws tons of these lines against the media wall, and every once in a while one of the lines works, gets him some press, and he takes bookings for Larry King Live appearances into 2020. Which is weird. King has to be at least 124 years old, albeit looking good for his age. Of course, Larry doesn’t cast a reflection in the mirror, which strikes me as odd. Maher doesn’t believe in religion. Something doesn’t jibe there.

I don’t know if Maher is right (duh! He’s left!). Is every racist a registered Republican? That will be tough to prove, but it’s even more difficult to disprove. Therein lies the genius of the phrase: racists are Republicans, it’s entered the zeitgeist, and there is no way to take that statement out of the public psyche. He’s played these kinds of word association games before, once telling his TV audience that “dogs are like retarded children.” A guest told him her nephew is retarded, and she didn’t think of the child as a dog. Bill’s response: “Maybe you should.” (The audience laughed. Maher later apologized… kinda)

My point? Both Hawking and Maher are brainy, one using his gifts to think outside the box, testing theorems and learning about the universe. The other uses people less fortunate than he (victims of racism, handicapped children) for financial gain. Smart, huh?

Taylor Mason is a comedian, a musician, a ventriloquist, writer and gadget freak. And Taylor Mason has a new book, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Ventriloquism.

Taylor Mason has headlined every major comedy club in the United States, and has played Carnegie Hall and The Sydney Opera House in Australia. Taylor Mason has been part of two Emmy-winning television programs, including his children’s TV show, “Taylor’s Attic.” He is featured in comedy DVDs “Thou Shalt Laugh,” “Thou Shalt Laugh 2” , “Thou Shalt Laugh 3,” and “Thou Shalt Laugh 4“ plus two episodes of the hit comedy series “Bananas.” Taylor Mason works a mind-boggling 200 nights a year, in front of every kind of audience, and has managed to stay married for the past 22 years to his wife, Marsia. They have two teen-aged sons and live in New Jersey (the only state in America that uses air freshener … outdoors).

To book Taylor Mason for your event contact visit The Grable Group or email tim@thegrablegroup.com

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